Aftermath of Alzheimer's Life and Death

 When the tears of grief over a spouse have dried, eventually there can come a time of rational survey of just what has gone wrong with life.

Here we were, immersed in a life of happiness together and then a vicious killer intruded with the intent of destruction of beauty and goodness.

How can a human not be resentful and feel anger? These emotions are not to be denied. I know that some respond by their own death. I can  understand that choice. There is no shame in collapsing as a physical being and joining the beloved in the beyond, where ever that may be. 

In my instance I have chosen to live on and be as creative as possible. Now all that I think and create in writing and human relationships is not dominated by resentment and criticism of the natural order. I want to give that reality a hopeful face that is reflective of what we were before Alzheimer's disease. This is sounding like embracing the vicious side of Nature in a larger framework of meaning

That "embracing" is one challenging assignment. It means taking in stride the acid taste of intended poison of the spirit. There is a chance that mental paralysis will be the result. I know enough about what can happen in people to be aware that I am in a vulnerable place.

We chose words for our gravestone at Blue Hill Cemetery. "Our life flows on in endless song."

Expression of this feeling is basic to growing maturity as a human being. Perhaps criticism can be topped by appreciation. Perhaps new vistas of what people can be will appear as the horizon turns into reality. Creation of the New is forever possible.  The question comes back to me - Am I up to it?

Delton

Dentist office personel see early signs of Alzheimer's

Changes in dental home care is a signal that something is going on in a person's life. This is especially true with memory loss.

It may be carelessness that shows up in tooth brushing or flossing. It may be increasing decay that necessitates repairs or replacement of teeth.

I learn that many Dental offices do not have referral information on hand so cannot be helpful.

This was true of the Dental firm that does my work. I surfaced the subject with an Associate and both she and the Dentist expressed interest. I proceeded to make contact with the Help Line at 800-272-3900. They said information would be sent. This week in a visit to the Dental office the word was that the information had arrived and would be used with Staff.

Here is a concrete example of how surviving Care Givers can help the cause and improve service to people caught  up in the storm or anxiety accompanying Memory Loss. 

Delton

ALZ Help Line 800-272-3900 A Call Today

This is Tuesday, August 4, 2015. Tomorrow is the first year anniversary of the death of my spouse due to the effects of Alzheimer's. In order to deal with my own personal grief I called 800-272-3900 to review my present state of mind. 

I described how it was a year ago when the experience of death was an imminent event and was affecting a wide circle of family, friends and medical professionals. There was no time for myself and family to deal with our shock and grief.

Grief over the coming of Alzheimer's had already been happening for several years. Now it was culminating.

Death, Cremation, Funeral and Interment, Obituary information distribution, Airline Flight arrangements. These and more details dominated life for the entire family and myself in particular. 

Since then I have been learning how to deal with one thing at a time, get more sleep, manage nutrition, and other details of daily living. Daughters have been with me regularly as they deal with their own grief. 

These particular days are a mix of sadness, rest and learning, social contacts, and thinking about related issues.

I find the writings and Youtube talks about C. S. Lewis in the loss of his spouse after a long and grand relationship. He observes that when religious professionals attempt to offer consolation they just do not understand. There is nothing we can do about suffering than suffer in this situation. 

Another resource is in the writings of Pauline Boss. Two books stand out:  "Ambiguous Loss"; "Living With Someone Who Has Dementia".

This post is a step in my healing and discovery of who I now am. I think of you who may read this post.   Delton

Faith United Against Alzheimer's

How encouraging to see the Faith Community begin to go public on the Alzheimer's threat.

Using the search mechanism of your internet browser enter:
Faith United Against Alzheimer's. You will find several web sites related to this resource. There will be a description of this new venture and an invitation to join in. I have joined in order to add to the rising tide of concerned people.

I have no illusion that this venture by itself will make amazing progress possible. What it can do is bring more people into the public discussion. 

Being involved as a recovering Care Giver I have learned to be skeptical of brave promises. What I and many others do believe is that public awareness can draw in resources for research and more public attention to this world wide challenge to the human family.

Thank you for your participation.

Delton

Murder in Broad Daylight and Darkest Night

Every instance of Alzheimer's Memory Loss is a murder. A brain disorder gradually kills the unique personality of a human being before destroying the body itself. 

For the surviving Care Giver news of murder, especially mass murder, brings back the tragic taking of the Beloved.

Yesterday in Charlestown, SC one young racist murdered nine people at a Christian Prayer meeting. I cannot escape from the profound emotional impact of what family and friends are knowing. And I join with them in this grief. It was a senseless act. It was truly Evil. 

Little wonder that Care Givers are acquainted with tears and the inner emptiness that accompanies a broken heart.

This is not a whining complaint. No, it is a blunt statement of fact. We have to communicate with each other regarding this sombre situation. Others will not understand. I personally reject the option of taking meds to dull myself to reality. The deep hurt strikes me as a healthy personal response to a rampant expression of evil. 

A society has an obligation to respond to racist violence. Whether society has the will to respond to Memory Loss is still unresolved. 

As for me, I will express a response that is highly personal but not a singular lonely experience. 

Delton















 

Memory Loss and "The Tempest" by Shakespeare

When watching a Shakespeare play a person usually goes to be exposed to some classic entertainment. The genius of Shakespeare is that he taps into the deepest elements of human personality and describes the forces of Nature that determine human actions over centuries. 

The Tempest gathers force much as a storm at sea develops and then humans that happen to be in the path of the storm are entwined in the drama. In this drama the internal storms within in the lives of persons are displayed. The literary creation of spirit forces enables characters to control and be controlled as part of the story line.

In reading The Tempest aloud in the evening on a patio I was given the opportunity to become immersed in this drama. Little did I realize that The Tempest is being played out for multitudes of people who know the drama of Memory Loss, especially Alzheimer's Syndrome. That includes me and our family.

The forces of Nature encompass us since we are Natural Creatures. Perhaps we are spiritual beings but it is clear that Nature determines the limits and glories of us people. Memory Loss is itself a Tempest. People die. Limits are placed on the lives of family and friends who accompany the one who is being swept away. 

Shakespeare creates characters with names and personalities. We try but usually fail to name the process of Memory Loss as it encompasses our life experience. The drama of the frustration and violence that accompanies the experience is beyond our controls. There is no entertainment involved with Memory Loss. Attempts are made to put a happy face on this malady but such efforts are doomed to failure. Religion promises some ultimate hopes but is of precious little assistance in the here and now. 

At this stage of dealing with the aftermath of Joan's experience and death I am awed by the forces of Nature that do control what happens. Optimism over human powers of fixing the problem is soon diluted in the acids of daily survival. 

When reading The Tempest keep the framework of Memory Loss in mind and do your own interpretation of what rises to the surface. 

Delton

Reflections On Memory Loss

One year ago Joan was yet at Rakhma House, a residential home for ten persons dealing with Alzheimer's Disease.The staff surrounded her with love, compassion and genuine friendship. I found that visiting Joan did not work out. The occasion was too disruptive  for fellow residents, the staff, and myself. So went life for about three months until death came to Joan on August 5, 2014.

Some reflection on the experience is now becoming possible for me. I certainly have no answers for anyone else going through the experience. The inevitably of the pain on all sides is becoming more evident to me. My reflections here are one way for making a contribution. 

Go on line and ask for Grand Canyon web cams. What will appear is a picture in real time of the vastness of that space. Being there gives a bit more perspective but not much. The haze gives a  shaded view of cliffs, towering headlands, the open spaces,  and a tiny flow of water away down at the bottom. The Colorado River is mostly a figment of the imagination for the viewer. The distances disorient the mind.

When viewing the Memory Loss scene as a care giving participant one has that same disorientation of the mind. It is too much to comprehend. Months after direct involvement a person still has a certain nausea when reflecting on the experience. At least I do.

I have the greatest respect for those who have intimately taken part as Care Givers and have survived the experience. I think of those who take a raft on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. They have experienced guides who know what to do and when in order to survive to another day. The Alzheimer's Care Giver simply does not have comparable guides. And the trip inevitably leads to death for the person with the disease.

Today there came in the mail a magazine published by Hamline University in St. Paul, Minnesota where Joan attended college. It is noted that she was Phi Beta Kappa with a degree in Education graduating in 1953. She lived for over 80 years extending her skills and warm person to many people. 

This post by Delton is in honor of Joan.