ALZ Help Line 800-272-3900 A Call Today

This is Tuesday, August 4, 2015. Tomorrow is the first year anniversary of the death of my spouse due to the effects of Alzheimer's. In order to deal with my own personal grief I called 800-272-3900 to review my present state of mind. 

I described how it was a year ago when the experience of death was an imminent event and was affecting a wide circle of family, friends and medical professionals. There was no time for myself and family to deal with our shock and grief.

Grief over the coming of Alzheimer's had already been happening for several years. Now it was culminating.

Death, Cremation, Funeral and Interment, Obituary information distribution, Airline Flight arrangements. These and more details dominated life for the entire family and myself in particular. 

Since then I have been learning how to deal with one thing at a time, get more sleep, manage nutrition, and other details of daily living. Daughters have been with me regularly as they deal with their own grief. 

These particular days are a mix of sadness, rest and learning, social contacts, and thinking about related issues.

I find the writings and Youtube talks about C. S. Lewis in the loss of his spouse after a long and grand relationship. He observes that when religious professionals attempt to offer consolation they just do not understand. There is nothing we can do about suffering than suffer in this situation. 

Another resource is in the writings of Pauline Boss. Two books stand out:  "Ambiguous Loss"; "Living With Someone Who Has Dementia".

This post is a step in my healing and discovery of who I now am. I think of you who may read this post.   Delton

Faith United Against Alzheimer's

How encouraging to see the Faith Community begin to go public on the Alzheimer's threat.

Using the search mechanism of your internet browser enter:
Faith United Against Alzheimer's. You will find several web sites related to this resource. There will be a description of this new venture and an invitation to join in. I have joined in order to add to the rising tide of concerned people.

I have no illusion that this venture by itself will make amazing progress possible. What it can do is bring more people into the public discussion. 

Being involved as a recovering Care Giver I have learned to be skeptical of brave promises. What I and many others do believe is that public awareness can draw in resources for research and more public attention to this world wide challenge to the human family.

Thank you for your participation.

Delton

Murder in Broad Daylight and Darkest Night

Every instance of Alzheimer's Memory Loss is a murder. A brain disorder gradually kills the unique personality of a human being before destroying the body itself. 

For the surviving Care Giver news of murder, especially mass murder, brings back the tragic taking of the Beloved.

Yesterday in Charlestown, SC one young racist murdered nine people at a Christian Prayer meeting. I cannot escape from the profound emotional impact of what family and friends are knowing. And I join with them in this grief. It was a senseless act. It was truly Evil. 

Little wonder that Care Givers are acquainted with tears and the inner emptiness that accompanies a broken heart.

This is not a whining complaint. No, it is a blunt statement of fact. We have to communicate with each other regarding this sombre situation. Others will not understand. I personally reject the option of taking meds to dull myself to reality. The deep hurt strikes me as a healthy personal response to a rampant expression of evil. 

A society has an obligation to respond to racist violence. Whether society has the will to respond to Memory Loss is still unresolved. 

As for me, I will express a response that is highly personal but not a singular lonely experience. 

Delton















 

Memory Loss and "The Tempest" by Shakespeare

When watching a Shakespeare play a person usually goes to be exposed to some classic entertainment. The genius of Shakespeare is that he taps into the deepest elements of human personality and describes the forces of Nature that determine human actions over centuries. 

The Tempest gathers force much as a storm at sea develops and then humans that happen to be in the path of the storm are entwined in the drama. In this drama the internal storms within in the lives of persons are displayed. The literary creation of spirit forces enables characters to control and be controlled as part of the story line.

In reading The Tempest aloud in the evening on a patio I was given the opportunity to become immersed in this drama. Little did I realize that The Tempest is being played out for multitudes of people who know the drama of Memory Loss, especially Alzheimer's Syndrome. That includes me and our family.

The forces of Nature encompass us since we are Natural Creatures. Perhaps we are spiritual beings but it is clear that Nature determines the limits and glories of us people. Memory Loss is itself a Tempest. People die. Limits are placed on the lives of family and friends who accompany the one who is being swept away. 

Shakespeare creates characters with names and personalities. We try but usually fail to name the process of Memory Loss as it encompasses our life experience. The drama of the frustration and violence that accompanies the experience is beyond our controls. There is no entertainment involved with Memory Loss. Attempts are made to put a happy face on this malady but such efforts are doomed to failure. Religion promises some ultimate hopes but is of precious little assistance in the here and now. 

At this stage of dealing with the aftermath of Joan's experience and death I am awed by the forces of Nature that do control what happens. Optimism over human powers of fixing the problem is soon diluted in the acids of daily survival. 

When reading The Tempest keep the framework of Memory Loss in mind and do your own interpretation of what rises to the surface. 

Delton

Reflections On Memory Loss

One year ago Joan was yet at Rakhma House, a residential home for ten persons dealing with Alzheimer's Disease.The staff surrounded her with love, compassion and genuine friendship. I found that visiting Joan did not work out. The occasion was too disruptive  for fellow residents, the staff, and myself. So went life for about three months until death came to Joan on August 5, 2014.

Some reflection on the experience is now becoming possible for me. I certainly have no answers for anyone else going through the experience. The inevitably of the pain on all sides is becoming more evident to me. My reflections here are one way for making a contribution. 

Go on line and ask for Grand Canyon web cams. What will appear is a picture in real time of the vastness of that space. Being there gives a bit more perspective but not much. The haze gives a  shaded view of cliffs, towering headlands, the open spaces,  and a tiny flow of water away down at the bottom. The Colorado River is mostly a figment of the imagination for the viewer. The distances disorient the mind.

When viewing the Memory Loss scene as a care giving participant one has that same disorientation of the mind. It is too much to comprehend. Months after direct involvement a person still has a certain nausea when reflecting on the experience. At least I do.

I have the greatest respect for those who have intimately taken part as Care Givers and have survived the experience. I think of those who take a raft on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. They have experienced guides who know what to do and when in order to survive to another day. The Alzheimer's Care Giver simply does not have comparable guides. And the trip inevitably leads to death for the person with the disease.

Today there came in the mail a magazine published by Hamline University in St. Paul, Minnesota where Joan attended college. It is noted that she was Phi Beta Kappa with a degree in Education graduating in 1953. She lived for over 80 years extending her skills and warm person to many people. 

This post by Delton is in honor of Joan.   

Access to Nature by Jim Brandenberg

Recovery after Care Giving is a long and tumultuous journey. Unpredictable feelings make consistent plans impossible. Taking the necessary time to rest seems so wrong. The desire to fix life stands in the way of letting nature takes its course and accepting the here now as it is. 

The natural world is remote for so many who are in urban areas - most of us these days. Being out on the prairies or in the forests or on the lakes is a distant dream. Now a creative person has given anyone who needs nature access.

Jim Brandenberg is a world renowned photographer. He lives near Ely, Minnesota in the Forests and by the Lakes. He befriends the wolves and ravens of that area. He calls his home Ravenwood in honor of the smartest of the birds. 

Now he offers an option for the nature starved. The project began just weeks ago. This is a series of 1 minute videos new each day for a year. The location is nature365.tv 

Be patient. You will not be disappointed. 

Like The First Sounds of Springtime

The faint sound of water drops under the snow on a south facing slope is a signal that the sun is a few degrees higher in its daily round. A cloud comes and a chill breeze stops the living sound of the water drops. In the north country the message is clear to all with ears to listen. Warmth comes gradually. It will take a while and freezing cold will interrupt fond dreams of springtime. 

That is the way it is in recovery from the harsh coldness of the death of a beloved one.  

The timing varies person to person. For me it has taken six months to reach the first faint sensations of spring time of the spirit. My whole person was awakened for a short time today. Then came the return of the cold shadow. Was that good feeling just imagined? Once the warmth is experienced there is an inner assurance that the process of recovery is actually happening. 

This part of life seems to have a pattern of its own. Counselors speak of this experience but a person in the midst of it all simply does not believe them until that "water drops under the snow" sensation actually happens. Even then the cool breeze and shadow seems to deny the sense of warmth. My sense is that this is the time to hang on and bring to memory those moments of lovely warmth.

The north woods of Minnesota are a showcase of this dynamic process. Late winter and early spring are times when trees, plants, animals, birds and people crave spring with their whole beings. Thick ice on lakes and streams; deep snow in the forest; smoke from snug homes - all seem to prove that cold is permanent. But we listen and when the dim sounds of melt water comes, we perk up and say, "Maybe it is true that spring will come. Would that not be a wonderful event. Just hang on!"

The 6 month anniversary of the death of spouse Joan

Death has come for Joan as the only answer to Alzheimer's Disease. On August 5, 2014 the quiet step from being to not being happened. Family and I were present. Since then we have all been into dealing with the transition to a life when spouse and mother is no longer here. At first it seemed as if this could not be and then our minds would say that daily life would no longer include the bright presence of Joan.

Just today I learned that the six month point in time, plus or minus, is medically defined as time when the depths of the hard work of grief comes. There is value in knowing this since one begins to question so much about self stability and health now.

It is said that the first year after the death of a dear person is a roller coaster experience. This has been and is true for me. Suddenly tears come. Appetite is dulled as it was during the Care Giving. One wonders if this time of grieving will go on for the rest of personal life. Sleep is disturbed. What is the use of anything.

As I move through coming months I intend to write more reflections on how the Care Giving process goes for me. Perhaps I can speak as one of that host of people who are dealing right now with Care Giving, Grieving, and Survival. We do need to speak up. Only we can put into words that which we have come to know so well.
Delton